dear god how long has it been since i've written in this thing?

in new haven, doing residency - more to come i suppose...

hope all is well with everyone =)

Well, Livejournal tells me that I have not updated since 60 weeks ago... I wish I could say nothing significant has been going on, but that would be anything but true.

Right now, I am in Boston's airport, waiting to head home. It's finally that time of year for 4th year medical students to spend money that we don't have to travel all across the country interviewing for residency positions. A lot has been going on the past couple of years with school - a true growing experience. My social life has basically become non-existent, and about the most exciting things I do these days is heading down to the local movie theater to catch a movie. Quite a change from the days I was shaking it on stage half-naked as a go-go boy.

At least through these past couple of years I've finally come to find an area of medicine that both excites me, and that is a field I can see myself in as a life-time career; pulmonary medicine and critical care. I love working in the ICU. It's basically medicine on crack, taking care of the sickest of the sick. The fact that a majority of the patients are on ventilators is appealing, as sometimes having to talk with patients can be a time-consuming downside to a busy hospital job. It's a hardcore field, but I love it.

Anyway, so here I am on the interview trail. November through January is the time when the 4th years get to fly all over the country - and sometimes even the world to sell ourselves as candidates for their programs. So far, here's a little diary of the interviews I've been invited to, and where I'm considering possibly doing my residency training:

Johns Hopkins University - Baltimore, MD
New York University - New York, NY
Boston University Medical Center - Boston, MA
Scripps Mercy Hospital - San Diego, CA
Scripps Clinic/ Green Hospital - San Diego, CA
Yale University Hospital - New Haven, CT
University of California, Irvine - Orange, CA
University of California, Los Angeles - Los Angeles, CA
Cedars Sinai Hospital - Los Angeles, CA
Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital - Santa Barbara, CA
Albert Einstein Univ. Hospital - Bronx, NY

I'm stressed, tired of traveling, and wishing that 4th year was over yesterday. On March 17th, I simply open an envelope that will tell me where I'll be going, based on a rank/ match list...not very comforting, but it's the way it goes.



So, I say HELLO to all my old friends on here that I have not talked to in ages, and if you're one of those few who reads this, hit me up so we can catch up.

AIM: xopusmagnumx

Current Mood: hopeful

started my surgery rotation - trauma.

4am - 4pm six days a week for the next eight weeks.

i never was a morning person. this is going to be interesting...

my grandfather died after his long bout of lung cancer last wednesday, july 26th. i just returned from the funeral in texas, which was absolutely breathtaking. my grandfather had touched so many lives - over a 30-car prossession to a military funeral at fort bliss...with the marines firing vollies of gunshots and a funeral fitting for one of the best dog-fighters the marines have ever had fly with them. such an amazing pilot actually, that he was honored in the Aviation Hall of Fame.

my grandad was a true hero. we were always close since i can remember. he introduced me to the world of aviation and over the years helped me become an avid pilot. he was the president and CEO of the Phelps Dodge Copper Corp...which, in terms of textiles, is a pretty amazing accomplishment. in texas he taught me how to ride western almost as good as my mom...from calf roping to training. he was an amazing father; as i lucked out with having such an amazing mother. he was an amazing grandfather who always inspired me and kept me looking forward, helping me substantially through college and medical school. i wanted more than anything for him to see me graduate from medical school. but alas, he is no longer suffering from the intractable pain, and will see me graduate from up above, where i can only hope he really is watching over us.

it's been a hard week...especially this past weekend in rainy El Paso with my all my family...everyone is a little bit in shock and disbelief, but it helps to see his old scrapbooks, flight logs, and talk of the memories. our family will never be the same...



i did well on my board exams, and now spend 12-16 hours a day at either UCI med cen or the long beach veterans hospital slaving away for my clerkships. i was stuck starting off in probably the most difficult rotation - internal medicine. i'm doin what i can though, and just trying to learn every step of the way. it's like drinking out of firehose, but only 3 weeks left in this rotation...and then i switch...to a little less-stressful clerkship in outpatient medicine. hopefully, no more of this working 11 days in a row with no break. isn't that illegal?

this month and the last have just been tumultuous in so many ways...adjustment is never easy, especially when you're in a new city and honestly don't know what you can physically handle with your friends or relationships...i feel bad having to pull back and assess so many different things, but that's life. right now i just want my family...to see them more, and to tell them i love them every day. we've been so distant lately, and it's sad that it took the passing of one of the greatest men on this earth to bring us together again.

we'll miss ya papa...

2003, my last flying lession with the greatest pilot i knew, Jack S. Bell

Current Mood: stressed

i'm so sad.

my grandad is on his way out of this world. fuck all this bullshit. it just all happened so fast. not more than a year ago, he's up and around, healthier than a 21 year old and still flying planes. it's so sad to see him now...in what seems like no time at all the cancer just went all over and didn't respond to the first round of chemo. now he's on a 'last-resort', fresh out of phase-III trial, cancer drug that i think is doing more harm than good. i think his oncologist is a tool, but that doesn't change the fact the cancer is in his lungs, brain, and adrenal glands. swell, right? and fuckin school. fuckin board exams. i have no time to be out there with him, where i should be...and my grandma who's also taken a shitty turn when she suffered a stroke not more than a week ago. my mom. my poor fucking mother. she's in tx taking care of the both of them. how fucking depressing is that? going to see both your parents, who are not well, and to see your dad slowly fading, and pretty much giving in to the cancer. it's fucking rediculous. i'm so sad. i talk with my mom and i cry. i wanted more than anything for my grandfather to see me graduate from medical school...he was probably one of the biggest reasons for gettin' into it anyway. he has helped me in school. he always pushed me to excell and follow my dreams. i'm just rambling now...but i'm fuckin out of it. i've been putting in a good eight or ten hours a day studying for the past few months. subject board exams. course exam. clinical exams...and still have the the national boards in june.

ok just a rant.

i must say it's interesting to actually sit back and realize that i can now speak spanish pretty fluently...well, with all the clinical and pro-bono work for us in southern cali, i find that if you can't speak spanish, you can't communicate with 66.6% of your patients. ok, so maybe a bit extreme, but not by much. welcome to so. ca, right? lol

2nd year is almost done. book work as i know it is about to be completed...from here on in just all clinical. i can't wait. i have literally studied my testicles off.

Current Mood: crushed

i really wish i could re-kindle some long lost friendships, and mend the ties of those i left on ambiguous terms...

just came across some old letters and things tonight i haven't seen forever. just havin some flashbacks.

no, not from acid.

yesterday in class a professor made a harsh, but very true description of how each and every one of us will experience that feeling when we pop that first death cherry. losing that first patient and telling the family. it's a really melodramatic subject i suppose, but i'm not one to pile it on deeper. whatever the case, it's just ganna suck. i mean, i've seen dead people while working in the medical field since i was 18, but even the ones we lost in the rear of an ambulance had the responsibility shuffled to the receiving physician. and that'll suck. having to take the blame if anyone fucks up; paramedics, nurses, techs...anyone. our prof made it clear that it all comes to us; and that when a patient dies, his family will hold it on the shoulders of the physician and nobody else...not even the hospital.

anyway, i've been in LA the last few days.. after bearing witness to the birth of lily rimoldi in san diego. it was fantastic. oy. uncle vince. well, every kid needs that "gay uncle", and i guess for lily, he's it! =)

Current Mood: geeky

...as adrenaline fondles my ass like a catholic school girl.

i rocked my first exam in pharmacology. sweet. i still have yet to do my critical appraisal of the clinical trials of Lovastat, another 'wonderful' Merk experiment where it seems to have a few monetary-political aces up its sleave. hmmmmmmmmmmmm, this drug causes a net 4% reduction in overall cardiac "events", and its mortality prevention was found to be a big 0%. Yet, Merk being Merk, and in true pharmaceutical company savoy...somehow they managed to slap on their study a whopping 34% relative risk of reduction. and to think, doc's still prescribe this stuff like candy for people who's HDLs are a liittttllleee up. hell, that includes all of us i think. mcdonalds, anyone?

my next selective is cardiology and then cardio-thoracic surgery. ortho was fun, but not my favorite. let me just tell you how much i admire my ortho preceptor. wow. he's like me, and has the philosophy, "pull all the medi-care strings you can to get your patient whatever you want", even if it might seem unethical - from the insurance provider's eyes. a sweet woman came in with a fractured fibula, and she was a little up there in age, and the doc wasn't sure being on her own OFF the ankle for 3 weeks (what she needed) were instructions the patient was likely to follow. she needed nursing care. however, medicare will not authorize transfer to a nursing home unless the patient has been admitted to a hospital for three days. so, the doc called over to the hospital across the street, talked to one of his friends in internal med, and requested she be admitted for "probable deep vein thrombosis secondary to distal fibula fracture, requiring three days close observation". and, like that, she gets the care she needed so she can stay off the ankle, and on top of it, medicare covers it and is not the wiser! ha! that doc rocks! so yeah, my little story of applause.

btw. can i just say how wet the new soundtrack to the motion picture rent makes me? holy god. can't wait for it to hit the screen.

how much fun. a red carpet party for weho's magazine launch with vince, anna, and alex... i think the family guy and taco-bell run afterwards was just as fun though...

some publicist, anna, alex, vince, and me

...fuuuuuuucked up.

anyway, really excited about tomorrow. i'm scrubbin in to observe my first laparoscopic surgery. i admit, i wasn't too keen on the idea of an orthopedics selective, but i gatta say it's pretty damn interesting so far. i especially loved it when a 50-year old woman (very obese) came into the clinic today complaining of constant knee pain ever since her last surgery...and she wanted TWO full knee replacements. the doc wasn't too fond of that idea and just simply looked at her and said, "first thing's first. you need to lose weight. a lot of weight. surgery isn't going to fix you this time, r******". awesome delievery...yet how embarrassing.

anyway...now here's your moment of zen...

xoxoxox

started school again this week...usually i'd write some long, meaningful entry about my classes or school...but, nah. my friend and i were joking the other day at the gym about how in only 2 years and 8 months, we will have the capacity to write prescriptions. ha!

maybe that explains all the free CRAP i keep getting from the drug companies... a pen decorated with bladder control medication. a notepad with ambien scribbled on each page. pocket lights with the label pfizer. key chains with coxII inhibitor medication. i don't like any of this really; but i would gladly drive a new car...even if it had LASIX or some other diuretic written on the door.

i love my new place. my roommate rocks. we're both huge fans of ab fab, and you can hear it blasting almost 24/7 lately. i have new goldfish. i like goldfish. i've never had them before, but i have the exotic ones, with the two tails...and although they kind of just flop around to swim, they do it with suprising grace.

anyhoo, they're giving us pizza free today. so, i'm going to go get some and meet all the new first years.

i just want the pizza.

xoxoxoxo,
jimmy g

Current Mood: chipper